Meeting the Needs of Teens

All human beings have basic needs in addition to food and water. For teenagers, their needs for belonging, power, enjoyment, and independence are strong drivers of their behaviors (Pardede & Kovač, 2023). During this time of tremendous social and emotional growth, adolescents need ample opportunities to fulfill these needs in positive ways (Hockaday & Billings, 2020).

As defined by Merriam-Webster dictionary (2024), Belonging means feeling like a part of something and being accepted. Enjoyment is the feeling of satisfaction in experiencing something you like. Power describes the need to make one's own decisions. Independence is all about having some control over one's life.

Teenagers will seek a wide range of ways to meet these needs, especially around puberty. During this time, they start focusing on belonging, gaining independence, and enjoying life. It is important for parents to recognize that this is a normal part of adolescence. It does not mean they love their parents less or are intentionally trying to irritate them (Hockaday & Billings, 2020).

When young people cannot get these needs met safely through positive peer interactions or within their school or community, they may seek alternative ways that are unhealthy or unsafe. Examples include excessive social media use, bullying, risk-taking, running away, or eventually engaging in drug use or gang activity.

How can parents help their teenagers to get these needs met? Parents can foster positive social connections by allowing their children to fulfill their needs independently and through interactions with family members, friends, and the community. For example, they can support their teens in joining a sports team, participating in a community service project, or attending a youth group that aligns with their interests.

Belonging

Parents can promote belonging by allowing teens privacy and some personal space. As kids move through their teen years, they spend more time with friends and less with family. This change is normal and okay. Teens need to socialize with their peers so they can begin to form their own identities and broaden their social network. During this phase of development, parents should not just let go of their teenagers but provide more support and guidance than ever. Think of it like flying a kite. It can only fly freely and safely when connected to the holder.

Enjoyment

You can encourage enjoyment by letting your teen decide how the family might spend a weekend or evening together. Play games together, laugh, and have fun. Make the family and home a place of joy as much as possible. Encourage safe risk-taking by supporting their participation in sports, public speaking, or trying a new hobby.

Power

Give your teen opportunities to make some decisions. Gradually, it gives them more power and control over some aspects of their lives. Keep firm rules for the things that concern safety or family values.  Allow teens to make mistakes, and then talk with them without criticizing the outcomes. Discuss what they learned and could do differently next time.

Independence

Inspire independence in teens by asking for their input on completing a chore rather than telling them. This change is hard for most parents as they feel they are losing control over their children. Permit your teen to opt out of some family activities and be with friends instead. Nevertheless, still communicate your expectations and rules, such as boundaries around drugs and alcohol use, as well as a curfew.

If teens do not meet these needs in prosocial or positive ways, they may seek them out in other ways. Gangs, for example, supply many opportunities for youth to learn skills, gain recognition, and experience a sense of belonging. However, gangs have standards of behavior that are anti-social and deviant (Haggerty & McCowan, 2018). This alternative is not the path that parents want their children to follow.

Teenagers are emerging adults, driven to become their own persons. Parents agree that they want their children to become responsible and productive citizens. By working with their child to meet these vital developmental needs, parents can facilitate growth and move their teens along a path to success.

References

Haggerty, K. P. & McCowan, K. J. (2018). Using the social development strategy to unleash the power of prevention. Journal of the Society for Social Work and Research, 9(4), 741-63.

Hockaday, C. & Billings, E. F. (2020 revised). Strengthening Families Program for Parents and Youth 10-14. Iowa State University Extension.

Merriam-Webster. (n.d.). Belonging. In Merriam-Webster.com dictionary.

Merriam-Webster. (n.d.). Enjoyment. In Merriam-Webster.com dictionary.

Merriam-Webster. (n.d.). Power. In Merriam-Webster.com dictionary.

Merriam-Webster. (n.d.). Independence. In Merriam-Webster.com dictionary.

Pardede S., & Kovač, V. B. (2023). Distinguishing the need to belong and sense of belongingness: The relation between need to belong and personal appraisals under two different belongingness-conditions. European Journal of Investigation in Health, Psychology and Education, 13(2), 331–344.