A perfectionist and a completionist. Heterosexual Tyrannosaurus.
Seek and ye shall find. Never drop.
One night towards the end of his reign, Frederick II of Prussia, who was suffering from insomnia, haemorrhoids and asthma, decided to visit a prison in Berlin.
He was led into a large cell containing no fewer than fifty prisoners.
When the prisoners saw Frederick, they all began to insist that they were in prison by mistake, due to false accusations from enemies, unfaithful spouses or greedy heirs.
Frederick noticed a big man standing quietly in the corner, away from the others. Leaning on his cane, the king approached the strange prisoner and asked him, 'I suppose you ended up here because of human meanness or a mistake by those in power, too?'
'No, Your Majesty, I am here quite justifiably. I had an argument with a gentleman in a beer hall, and we went outside to get some air. Unfortunately for this young man, who was unable to control his tongue, it ended in death.'
Turning to the prison warden, Frederick II said:
'Release this vile murderer so that he does not defile the noble company gathered within these walls with his presence.'
I walk into the kitchen and put the kettle on the stove. I light a match, stare at it for a few seconds, turn the gas stove knob and hold the match to the burner. A flame bursts into life. It's blue. Steady. I look at the flame and the kettle. Five minutes later, a foul odour fills the kitchen. No wonder. After all, there's urine in the kettle. But why is there urine in the kettle? Because I pissed in it.
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